So Heavy

So Heavy

“Heavy, isn't it?”

The first time someone, usually a Bat or Bar Mitzvah, picks up a sefer Torah scroll, really conveys the heft of the book. Maybe that's the real reason we keep using archaically outdated technology. The scroll has the weight of a toddler, is at least as cumbersome and almost as holy.

My JPS (Jewish Publication Society copy of Hebrew Scriptures), which I find quite accessible, just doesn't have that oompf. I come from people who make things. My Paternal grandfather made tanks, my very bearded father made gears. My Maternal grandfather and both parents have some art background. I've painted, fixed, planted, schlepped and slung coffee. Very kinesthetic, very tactile. Someone soaked, stretched, cut and sewed the parchment. They ground and mixed the ink. Then: ONE. LETTER. AT. A. TIME. wrote the five books accredited to Moshe by hand. They swapped out ink and pen each time they wrote G-d's secret, four letter name. An average, pretty devoted person can do it in about 3 years. A full-time professional slings it out in One. Year. Technically, we are each supposed to craft one in our lifetime.

Once a year we—maybe do a few shots of something stronger than wine—dance with these scrolls. We cradle them like babies. We press our bodies close like lovers. That's what we are: we are family. We are Lovers of Torah. We are Torah. And sometimes it becomes too heavy. And the person dancing in the middle searches out with pleading eyes fro some to share the blessing and the burden. The scroll is passed.

Sometimes it's heavy on the left, when we start out the journey, from the beginning. Then as Moses cries out one last time it grows heavy on the right. When it's fresh you spin and jump and sing. When you're tired and sweating you pray you don't drop it and scan for the some way to pass it along.

No one died to absolve our sins. Our numero uno prophet gets shamed out of the final destination while some noob leads his people to the Holy Land. But damn do we love that book. There's definitely an argument for idolatry. But I'm okay with it. Because today three generations passed around a scroll. Then a 14 year-old who is taller than me by a lot told us our story and her story. And those are now parts of my story. At the end of the day, Torah should be heavy. If it weren't heavy, lifting it wouldn't make us stronger.