So I am like four weeks behind in my e-mail Parashot (Weekly Torah Readings) companions. It's my fault for having so many, never checking my e-mail and being consistently behind in my me-assigned readings.
Currently my computer and I are in B'har (Last o' Leviticus [I'm up-to-date with my actual parasha; we're on Shelak-lecha {Numbas}]). B'har probably talks about stuff but mostly about the Sabbatical YEAR. According to Torah, G-d thinks the fields need a year off every once in a while. And all the Jews are like, “what the shit are we supposed to eat?”
That's a valid question. G-d responds maturely, basically, “Through my blessing, you're going to make so much foodz in the sixth year-3X FOODZ- that you could pro'lly take years eight and nine off too [but don't].
All the Orthodox mailing (I'm well-rounded) think this is a test. Most of the Reform mailings dutifully reinterpret it to fit into leftist, liberal, human-rights junk. My point is THIS IS NOT A TEST. Or at least not for us.
It works this way: Year six: Did G-d grant you great abundance? Tons o' foodz?
Then: take year Seven off.
If Else: Keep working; G-d Fucked up and doesn't want you to starve for it.
Sometimes Judaism doesn't have to be so hard.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Coffee 'Drash
Here's a rough draft of my Midrash on G-d making Coffee.
Coffee Drash
Shortly after G-d expells Adam and Eve from the garden He feels the sting of remorse. Was he too harsh on them? While Adam and Eve wander around bewildered the Eternal decided to help. They cannot just be invited back in: they won't learn anything, they'll stop respecting G-d and they'll eat the damn fruit and take over the world-and the world is so new that we just can't let that happen.
Luckily, for Adam, Eve and the rest of us: G-d is pretty smart sometimes. He stops Adam and says “Your limited life of toil will be difficult- more difficult than I had intended so I'm giving you something to ease the burden.”
“You can't just let us back in?”
“No.”
G-d goes back to the garden and removes seeds, one from the Tree of Knowledge and one from the Tree of Life. Splitting them and combining them.
“Plant this in the warm places and harvest it's beans. Grind them and mix them with hot water and it will be as if I have breathed life in you anew.”
Coffee Drash
Shortly after G-d expells Adam and Eve from the garden He feels the sting of remorse. Was he too harsh on them? While Adam and Eve wander around bewildered the Eternal decided to help. They cannot just be invited back in: they won't learn anything, they'll stop respecting G-d and they'll eat the damn fruit and take over the world-and the world is so new that we just can't let that happen.
Luckily, for Adam, Eve and the rest of us: G-d is pretty smart sometimes. He stops Adam and says “Your limited life of toil will be difficult- more difficult than I had intended so I'm giving you something to ease the burden.”
“You can't just let us back in?”
“No.”
G-d goes back to the garden and removes seeds, one from the Tree of Knowledge and one from the Tree of Life. Splitting them and combining them.
“Plant this in the warm places and harvest it's beans. Grind them and mix them with hot water and it will be as if I have breathed life in you anew.”
A Linguistic Gender Reflection
Despite being and celebrating being a Reform Jew, I still have some very Orthodox sensibilities. Jews that eat pork freak me out a little. Granted, I work on most Shabbatot, but I dream of being shomer. I'm not only more comfortable around a male rabbi—I'm probably judging him if he doesn't have a beard. Which is why I've decided to ponder and attempt maybe being a rabbi. Statistically 2/3 rabbis are women or are going to be women....in the Reform movement. I'd hazard a guess that the Conservadores are close to us and am disrespectfully indifferent to the demographics of the atheists (Reconstructionists) although I'm pretty sure that I'd be one if I didn't believe in G-d.
The point I might make eventually is that I'm contributing to what I might consider to be a problem. I'm hoping that this influx of chicks in the rabbinate is just a because we of the X2 chromosomes couldn't for a long time. Sweet Moishe, please let us someday have maybe a 50/50 ratio. Anyway, I can't grow a beard. More importantly, I think I can reconcile in a very jewy way, my hang-up.
HEBREW is the glue that holds the Jewish People together, not mitzvot....unless you count the mitzvot (which may or may not exist) to learn Hebrew and use Hebrew. This resurrected language is SUPER gendered. Nouns, pronouns, verbs, almost everything is going to reflect either a boy or a girl. We're not going to dink around the differences between natural and grammatical gender; suffice it to say there's a gendered dichotomy and we're going to engage it.
If I were a conservadox type o' Jew, I might say that men and women are both, very cool but just different. They both do their own, essential and important things. And indeed, their verb endings are different. Women in the kitchen, rearing children and men learning torah. Eh....ah....no. Separate is not equal (it's like a stepping stone to segregated busses; ¿for realz ultra orthodox?). Different is good but not separate. And that's reflected in the language.
Verbs are verbs. Hu medaber and hi medaberet the m-d-b words both translate as “speaks.” They are doing the SAME THING just doing it differently. So the glue that holds Am Yisrael together is going to be comprised of men and women and JEWS in leadership roles and family roles and single roles and social roles and dinner rolls and all the rolls available to us with which we may contribute to and enrich our socio-cultural-religio-thing.
The point I might make eventually is that I'm contributing to what I might consider to be a problem. I'm hoping that this influx of chicks in the rabbinate is just a
HEBREW is the glue that holds the Jewish People together, not mitzvot....unless you count the mitzvot (which may or may not exist) to learn Hebrew and use Hebrew. This resurrected language is SUPER gendered. Nouns, pronouns, verbs, almost everything is going to reflect either a boy or a girl. We're not going to dink around the differences between natural and grammatical gender; suffice it to say there's a gendered dichotomy and we're going to engage it.
If I were a conservadox type o' Jew, I might say that men and women are both, very cool but just different. They both do their own, essential and important things. And indeed, their verb endings are different. Women in the kitchen, rearing children and men learning torah. Eh....ah....no. Separate is not equal (it's like a stepping stone to segregated busses; ¿for realz ultra orthodox?). Different is good but not separate. And that's reflected in the language.
Verbs are verbs. Hu medaber and hi medaberet the m-d-b words both translate as “speaks.” They are doing the SAME THING just doing it differently. So the glue that holds Am Yisrael together is going to be comprised of men and women and JEWS in leadership roles and family roles and single roles and social roles and dinner rolls and all the rolls available to us with which we may contribute to and enrich our socio-cultural-religio-thing.
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